Wordless Wednesday

While not entirely wordless and not entirely my original idea, sharing something other than my OWN thoughts and words that will convey a message nonetheless...a picture, a video...struck me as a great concept.  

 

I offer this wise, gentle voice today:

 

 

Simply exquisite.

Knit on,

Donna

'Growing' a Garden

From left to right:  Esther Warren, Cyndi Johnson, Debbie Sulzbach, Jan Johnson, Lori Karpen, Karrie Gillam

The Knitted Flowers and Embellishments Workshop was a ton of fun yesterday!  Sadly I waited until the last few minutes of class before I started snapping pictures, but there are a few to share.   

I loved Cyndi's laugh (on the right) and Lori's expression (on the left) in this one!

Esther Warren's embroidered flower on a stockinette background.  So cute!

Lori Karpen's purple flower with the orange center is awesome.  She added her own flair to the pattern by crocheting a border around the petals. Karrie Gillam did a great job with the chain stitch and lazy daisy stitch!

Cyndi Johnson and Debbie Sulzbach concentrating!

Lacy Leaves pattern that can be made in different sizes and with or without an i-cord stem

Pretty little 5-petal flower.  We all agreed that the rolled edges give it character and make it seem more like a real flower.

Felted and un-felted version of the basic stockinette stitch flower.

3-petal flower made from variegated ribbon yarn.

Makes a cute coaster, don't you think?  This was just a class sample I knit, but will write it up and include the very simple pattern with my next post.

The 'Petite Flower' pattern on the left makes a great bookmark and I love the button center on this garter stitch bloom.  Wouldn't that be cute pinned on the side of a hat?

And of course I had to have some real flowers on the table for a little inspiration.

 I have such spring fever and this class was just what we all needed, I think, to inspire a little gardening of a different kind. 

Knit on,

Donna

Drive-by Postings

I began blogging in November of 2009 and my first post was about the Scotts Bluff Valley Fiber Arts Fair.  It has been interesting to go back over the archives (found in the right-hand column about half way down) and to see how my personal 'style' of writing and posting has developed.  (and is still evolving, of course...I really have many things to work on!) 

No doubt I like to write.  No doubt I love to knit.  No doubt I have a few things to say!  And no doubt my style is to try and tell a story.  That is the kind of writing I love to read, and so it's not surprising I choose to write in the same manner.

I have potential blog posts running through my brain day in and day out.  Thoughts and ideas hit me when I am driving, eating, laying in bed at night, showering, and of course, knitting!  I compose things over and over in my mind until I believe I have something worth writing down.  And then I can't get to my laptop fast enough to get those phrases out of my head and saved on the computer before I completely lose them.

In fact, one of the reasons I have only been posting once a month on average is because I do work at those posts, tweaking, adding, editing, for a few weeks.  It's time consuming and a labor of love.  Every time I click the button "Publish Post", I get a little thrill and also a pang in my stomach. 

It's the combination of the excitement and the vulnerability of putting my thoughts out there for everyone to read and critique that keeps me coming back for more.  

Recently I realized that not all of my ideas are based on a detailed adventure or profound epiphany though. 


A little snippet of information, an interesting thought or quote, something beautiful, something inspiring, something silly, a quick tip or technique that just might make your life easier, a noteworthy piece of news...

Knitting related or otherwise... these are all things I would term perfect for a drive-by posting!  Drive-by posting? Yep!  Just a little something I want to drop in your lap and then run away and leave you to it.

Last June I shared this post with you about art and knitting.  As I look back over those pictures I am reminded of the amazingly diverse world of fiber art and I fall in love with it all over again.  

And this morning  I came across an article that reminded me of of that topic. 

Masterpieces reimagined.  How lovely.  How inspiring. 

Take a look.  It's worth it! 

A happy Friday to all!  Get out there and get your hands busy.  There is a whole world of creativity just calling your name!   

Knit on,

Donna

Growing Pains

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
- Helen Keller

I am about the business of building a business.  And I am going to be honest here.  I am elated...and I am struggling.  Not so surprising, is it?

For those of you I haven't communicated with recently, here it is.  I took the big leap, once again, out into the world I simply call 'on your own'.  Anyone familiar with that world?  Believe me, I am.  I have been there a few times before. 

The particular 'on your own' I am referring to is the one where you decide to muster all of your courage, pull together your best ideas, put one foot in front of the other, and bank on the notion that you can be...(insert dramatic music here)...self-employed.

If you know me at all, you will know this isn't a totally foreign concept.  It's always there, just under the surface, wanting to come out.  It's in my blood.  No, really.  This is not just another cliche.  It's part of my DNA composition, I have come to realize, and fighting it is pointless.  Eventually that's where I end up, every time. 

I come from a strong, courageous line of entrepreneurs, even though they may not have looked at it that way while they were in the process of working their own businesses.  They were guided by their desires to care for themselves and their families, but also by something stronger.

Somewhere at the core of their being they believed they could make a go of it.

My maternal great-grandfather, Austin S. Gregg, and his brother, Arthur, started, owned and ran The Public Market in North Platte, NE in the 1930's.  My grandfather, Austin K. Gregg, better known as Bud, took ownership around 1960.  It was a small grocery store that really was ahead of it's time in so many ways.  That's because my grandfather was ahead of his time in so many ways.  I wish I had the space to tell you why that is true, but this blog post would turn into a novel.  Let's just say that Grandpa was a visionary and a dreamer in my eyes and many others and he was backed with the intelligence and innate knowledge to make things happen.

The stories about the Market my mom and family have shared with me are ones I could hear over and over again.  They represent a period in my family's somewhat fractured and difficult history that give a sense of pride and belonging to us all because of what was accomplished.  You hear it in their voices when they talk about it.  Was it easy?  No.  Did they love the business and my grandfather's way of running things?  Uh, no.  They all did what they had to do to make it work.  Nonetheless,  my grandmother, my mom and her brothers and sisters were all a part of that business and those memories and experiences are a part of who they are today, and a part of me. 

My paternal grandfather, Elmer (Bud) Thompson, and his good friend, Erwin Moore, became partners in starting Economy Glass in North Platte, NE in 1954.  They grew and expanded the business, took on other partners, and at one time had 4 stores in Nebraska and 1 in Wyoming.  The business, and my grandfather's hard work, live on today through my dad, Tom, and my brothers, Dee and Greg, in what has become Thompson Glass here in Scottsbluff, NE.  Dad learned the glass business from grandpa and others, starting at age 16, by mowing the grass, sweeping the floors, and fixing screens (well, you have to start somewhere, right?).  On September 7, 1971, my dad officially became a part of the Economy Glass team.  He eventually became a manager and owner, persevering through many ups and downs over the years. 

Some of my strongest memories of my childhood are being at Economy Glass , sitting at my dad's desk, 'working' the adding machine, making my fingers go as fast as I could, or writing 'memos' and notes on scratch pads that had the Economy Glass logo printed across the top.  I wanted to work there, with my dad.  I wanted my own desk.  I wanted my own pens and pencils and adding machine and files.  It didn't matter that I hadn't a clue about how to run a glass business, I just wanted to run a business.  I wanted to do what he was doing. 

To this day it gives me such a feeling of pride to walk into my dad's office and see him sitting on the tall stool at his drafting table working up job bids from rolls and rolls of complicated blueprints.  When I seem him I think of his work ethic, the strength and conviction it took to show up every day for the last 40 years, knowing he is responsible for making it all happen.
    
And, of course, my mother has the entrepreneurial spirit flowing through her veins as well.  No matter the topic, her energy gets fired up and the conversation becomes so engaging when we 'talk shop'.  She and her partner owned a successful landscape business in Ft. Collins, CO for many years.  Her ability to handle a hundred things coming at her all at once just amazed me.  She was a force to be reckoned with behind her desk, and out in the world.  My mom always seemed at her best when there were problems to be solved.

Calm, focused, decisive...she didn't waver on the outside, even if she might have been panicking on the inside.  No one would have ever known.


She has been self-employed or in a position of management and leadership in some way most of my life.  She has worked in the real estate and housing industry since she was a single mom taking care of my brother and I.  I believe only now, at the age of almost 43, I finally have an understanding of what it must have taken her to step out into the world and make a living in a male dominated industry and society.  She was so beautiful and professional looking in her suits.  I really thought there was nothing she couldn't do.

My mom continues to inspire me today with her ideas and contributions, insight and knowledge of people and of business.  She also happens to be my biggest supporter and source of strength, along side of my husband.  Just knowing what she went through and thinking of her accomplishments makes me swell with pride and gives me the courage to take risks.

My family's stories are worth telling.  Mentioning them here is hardly what I would consider doing each of them justice, but they are so much a part of what I am feeling and doing today that not including them would have left a huge hole in my story.

It's easy to understand how I have arrived at this point of wanting to teach and design and knit for a living.  Because it's what I love to do, but most importantly because no one ever told me I couldn't.  It has never occurred to me in my entire life that having a good idea and making a business out of it wasn't, well, a good idea.

So why am I struggling, you might be wondering?  Me too.  With all of that inspiration passed on to me, what is the problem?  I have asked myself that on a daily basis for the last two weeks.  It's a bit of a mystery.  Or is it?

When I was little I regularly experienced what my mom simply called  'growing pains'; aching in my legs that seemed to come from no where.  Oh how uncomfortable I was sometimes, especially at night, lying in bed.  That seemed to be the worse time.  I did come to accept my mom's explanation of them as simply growing pains, because there was nothing else to DO but wait until the pain subsided.  I would lie there and create a vivid picture in my head of my body actually growing taller with each wave of pain.

That somehow seemed a reasonable expectation...a little pain to help me grow.  I could handle it.  I wanted to grow.

That memory came back to me recently in the middle of the night when I was lying in bed, listening to the silence and staring into the dark.  Anxiety and fear are now my growing pains when I don't feel sure of my life or what's happening.  It hits me in the wee hours when there's nothing to do but lay there and let it roll over me.  In those moments, anxiety replaces strength.  Fear replaces courage.  I don't feel like I have any control over my thoughts and fears in those moments...they just go on and on...

Fear of failure (seriously, what will I do when this doesn't work?). Fear of rejection (is anyone really interested in my ideas?). Fear of going/being broke (okay, this is a big one... just what are you going to do when you don't have a paycheck coming in?). Fear of being alone (and broke...of course I am not either of those, but I didn't say these fears were rational).

Fear of humiliation (see the first one...fear of failure). Fear of being joked about by family and friends (oh she's making another change...how long will this last). Fear of regret (should I have stayed where it was more secure...secure?  What did Helen Keller say?).  Fear of the unknown (like the ever changing and expanding technology I have to navigate every day...what else am I going to have to learn to even make this happen?).

And finally, strangely enough, this thought rolled over me:  Fear of success (what if it works...do I have the energy and passion to keep it going?).

There it is.  That's the one, the big one.  That's what's keeping me up at night.

Never mind the fact that my home studio and office is a mess.  Never mind the fact that I don't seem to have one clue how to start putting this altogether (well, I have some clue, but there are a lot of holes).  I have no set schedule.  No plan other than I want to teach and design and plan the fiber arts fair.  I need a logo and business cards and letterhead.  A website would be nice.  How can I sell patterns without a website?  More frequent blog posts are also a necessity so others can follow along on this journey.  I have so much to share and less time than ever, it seems, to share it.  The clock is ticking.

Oh, the details that clutter my mind when I lie there at night and let them take over.

Eventually I will get up out of bed because I can't stand it anymore.  I brew a pot of coffee, settle in to a comfy chair and reach for my knitting.  As my fingers and my brain begin to relax, find a rhythm, and work as one, the anxiety subsides, the fear dissipates, and I am reminded of why I want to do this.  The feel of the yarn and needles in my hands is all the reminder I need.

It's not about any of the endless details that will always need taking care of and tended to...I know what needs to be done, or, I will figure it out.  In days past, I could put things together in no time.  In fact, it has always been sheer joy seeing my name in print on a business card, and I couldn't wait to get it there.  It made everything seem so official, like this venture was really happening. 

No, those tasks and 'to dos' are not the problem.  The problem is I haven't put my intentions out there.  I haven't committed.  The little voice that keeps me up at night (in reality it is very big and loud) is trying to tell me to embrace my choice to do this...focus, simplify, and work at it every day.

It will come.

I guarantee my family members who have ventured out into that 'on your own'  world before me had some of the same thoughts and fears (or maybe they didn't?).  I also guarantee they didn't stay in that place for long if they were afraid.  They got up and moved and did and tried...and worked, worked, worked.

My biggest fear is success.  Why?  Because I have big shoes to fill.  Always have.  The expectations are high, BUT they are mostly self-imposed.  

I read somewhere recently that "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."

I think I found that 'something else'.

There are so many knitters, designers,  instructors, and fiber artists out there.  Where will I rank among them?  Is that even important to ask?

Do I really have something unique to contribute?  Have I built this all up too much without the talent and drive to back it up?

I don't know...but I want to find out.   

I am on the edge of realizing some of my deepest dreams and desires, if I can stay centered and trust my gut.  No matter how dramatic this may sound, I feel like I have been moving towards this my whole life.  That's why I haven't been able to rush into it.  That's why I haven't been able to just 'throw' a plan together and go for it.  It all feels too important to rush and take for granted.

I want to be present for every moment so I can look back in 40 years and remember the day I recommitted to my choice to live my life consciously, to take another risk.

It's a reasonable expectation...a little pain to help me grow.  I can handle it.  I want to grow.

Until next time...let's all "...behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate..." 

 and

Knit On,

Donna

Gatherings

I have many friends who started off as students.  My dear friend Jan J. is among them and I can't imagine how it is we didn't meet years before.  I say this because she and I seem to have a connection that was obvious from the beginning, but not spoken of often.  It's just there. 

We share a love of reading and gardening and interest in spiritual matters.  But most obviously we share a passion for knitting...what knitting means to each of us individually...and how it feels when we get to sit down and knit together.

Sadly, like many friends these days, Jan and I do struggle to find time to get together.  It seems to be the new 'norm' for most.  Email and Facebook, Twitter, texting and phone calls have replaced coffee and brunch, lunch and dinner and happy hour cocktails. 

We have moved to a state of disconnect, don't you think?  In my view the disconnect comes from several things:  a lack of eye contact, a lack of sincere conversations catching up and dialing in, and just not experiencing the feeling we get when sitting in someone's physical space sharing our lives in real time.

And just for the record, while I do have days I feel like doing it, this is not a post or a rant about how we should all give up our modern day conveniences to go sit on a mountain top somewhere with each other and contemplate life.   In fact, it is just the opposite.  Life changes and so do we.  Instead of wishing for days gone by and simpler times, I have found I personally am much more content moving with the times and acknowledging the advantages we have at our disposal, instead of fighting it.

The challenge is to blend all of the cool things that technology does for us with activities and moments that counter balance the lack of one-on-one interaction.  For me, recognizing that it is happening is the first step.  Prioritizing is the next.

Spending time commiserating with friends is one of the most valuable things we can do for ourselves.  Soulful chats, quiet conversation, laughing out loud, passing the box of kleenex to dry tears, sipping something delightful that you don't normally serve just yourself...all reasons to gather with each other and share a moment.  The benefits are real and in fact quite necessary for us as humans to experience. 

Time deficit is a self-created dilemma.  Ask me how I know.

I am a strong believer in being in the moment, what it can do for you, and how it can change your perspective on yourself, on others, and the world.

I practice yoga for that reason.  I practice meditation for that reason.

I run.  Oh how I love to run.  It clears my mind and makes me feel empowered.

I want to hone that skill of being in the moment every chance I get.  I watch children play and I learn something about being totally engrossed and happy for a time.

I sit down on the floor with my dog and run my fingers through his wild, soft, white coat while he is completely still and content to be with me and enjoy the attention.  He teaches me that true companionship with another means accepting the person and the moment exactly as it is, no judgment.  Just allow things to be.

When I get on my motorcycle and head out on the road, my senses feel sharp and my mind is totally focused on the feel of the bike underneath me and the wind and the sun washing over me.  It's as close to being truly free and truly in the moment as I can get.

And that is why I love knitting so much.  No matter my mood, no matter the circumstances or the energy around me, when I put knitting in my hands I am instantly grounded, centered, and just BEING.  I know that's a contradiction, in a sense, because actually knitting is DOING, isn't it?

But mindful knitting is like meditation.  In meditation you breathe and you your body is still.  The duality of it is what makes it work. 

When I am knitting, the movements of my hands are the breathing.  My mind becomes the still. 

No matter what's wrong in my life or in the world that day, I am okay when I am knitting.  The feel of the yarn, the warmth of the needles, the rhythmic sound they make when I really get on roll...that all gets me there and keeps me there.  

Everyone needs something that gets them there.

And the only thing better than knitting by myself is knitting with others, because it allows me a double dose of being in the moment.  All the benefits of knitting and all the benefits of connecting with others.  My soul is filled to the brim in those moments, IF I truly allow myself to be there.  (That is the key.  Purposefully and intentionally choosing to place yourself in a moment and gather from it whatever you can about yourself) 

I have found it is especially good for me, as I tend to isolate myself for days or weeks at a time from real moments with others.  Why?  Well, I get overwhelmed, I suspect, and then I shut down.   And of course, alone time, quiet time, is equally important.  You have to make those choices for yourself.  Ask yourself what it is you need.  But often, I can get stuck in that alone time, and for me that's not the balance I am working towards.  Gathering with others (to knit or otherwise) brings me out of my world and into theirs.

These are the reasons then, that since I have been teaching, I have been offering what I call "Knit Aways"---small gatherings, special occasions, learning something new with friends of your choosing, in your environment, at your convenience.  Sounds lovely, doesn't it?   More than any other type of class I teach, these are my favorites.

Why?  Well, I think the biggest reason is that someone taking the time to create a moment, a pause in their lives, for themselves and those close to them, is really so very wonderful to be a part of.  It gives me an opportunity to do mindful teaching, intuitive instruction like no other setting or circumstance can.  (more on those things another day :)

I have done a few of these Knit Aways over the years, but sadly, not many.  Marketing this concept has been a challenge.  Weeknights and weekends are taken up by so many other things for families these days, it seems that we feel almost wasteful with our time if we are not checking things off of our to-do list instead of spending an afternoon with friends.

In many parts of the world, knitting, handwork, and other creative endeavors are a way of life, not just something you do when you have nothing else to do.  And there's no guilt involved.  You need not explain what you're doing or why.  Beautiful concept really.   I would venture to say individuals who live this way are more centered, content, fulfilled, and generally well-adjusted and equipped to handle the inevitable stress and pressures that come with being human on this planet.

Since I have embraced knitting and fiber art as a career and way of life myself, I have had one 'small' goal above all others:  to share my passion for knitting, but more broadly, my passion for creativity in all of its forms, and how it can enhance your life.  And the only way I know to do this is take it moment by moment, be out there, not afraid to 'do my thing', in my way, on my terms, and seize every opportunity to break down gender barriers and age stereotypes that seem to go hand in hand with knitting.  (oooh, yet another topic for another post...lovely:) 

So when Jan J. approached me at the fiber arts fair last fall about doing a class in her home based on a pattern that one of the fair vendors, Bijou Basin Ranch, had on display, I  immediately thought what a great idea, and at the same time wondered when and how I would be able to put it together for her in a way that honors all of these things I have been writing about.  That is why I do them after all. 

Jan, too, had a vision for how this class would look and feel.  Because obviously if she had simply wanted to knit the project, we could have made that happen long before now.  Her thought was to make it special...share it with others.  Create a memory.  That's who she is.  She herself works very hard every day to focus on the elements of life that bring her closest to knowing herself better and she continually amazes me at her willingness to grow and expand and experience new things. 

I respect that deeply.  I believe that is why we are here.

March 19, 2011, Jan will host a knit away in her home. (and just fyi--as of the day of this post, I still have 2 openings out of 7, if you are interested in joining the class--email or call me for more details and questions) 

But here's a sneak peak at what this Knit Away will look like:

We will be making a simple, but stylish little button up cowl that caught her eye many months ago...

 

 

...it is made from Bijou Basin Ranch yarn called "GOBI."  It is spun from yak and camel down!  (This is a new one for me to work with too!) 

It has a soft, silky feel that I look forward to wearing close to my skin.  I am working on the test sample now. 

The yarn comes in natural colors only and this particular one is a very beautiful taupe that can be worn with almost anything.  It will also be what I call an all-seasons accessory because of it's weight and texture.  I love to knit pieces that can be used every season of the year. 

The sweet and delicate cable/lace stitch pattern is fairly easy to memorize, but presents some challenges.  Even though it is marked at an Easy skill level, I would consider it appropriate for a Strong Advanced Beginner ready to expand their skills or an Intermediate knitter looking to practice his/her lace techniques by way of a very portable, satisfying project. 

We will sit down in the morning and learn the pattern together.  I have lots of tips for lace knitting as well as a couple of new techniques to show everyone.  Cabling without a cable needle, the perfect buttonhole, tensioning with lace stitches, blocking, and working with luxury yarns will be some of the topics we will cover.

Afterwards, Jan will be serving a delicious lunch of Southwest Chicken Chili, Blueberry Cornbread Muffins, and Spinach Salad.

Spring will be upon us by that time next month and I can't think of a more wonderful way to usher it in. 

I encourage you to to look at your day to day life and acknowledge that you are doing the best you can with what you have to work with...accept this...but also understand that there's nothing wrong with slowing down, striving for more balance, and realizing that you are not being selfish when you take time for yourself.  You will have more to give to your family, your job, your friends, when you don't feel cheated out of the things that really tickle your toes!

The knitting is a big part of it, the company and conversation another part.  Sitting down to a meal with friends, yet another part.  These all combine to create a deliberate moment to share, to learn, to celebrate the fact that we are more than our to-do lists and our jobs and roles and titles and responsibilities.  These are the details of our lives, the specifics.  That's not who we are as a whole. 

I hope to conduct many Knit Aways this year as a part of my journey.  I wish you real moments of your own.   

Knit On,

Donna

Go after it with a club!

Over the holidays I was trying to remember the last time I knit a sweater for myself.  I dug around in my closet and found a little brown summer cardigan that was completed 2 years ago (and I wear the heck out of, by the way).  I also found the lacy, red tunic-style tank top I knit around the same time for my daughter, at her request, that ended up in my possession (another story altogether).

That's it.  2 little items 2 years ago.

My knitting bags and baskets are always full of works in progress (WIP), but evidently I do not find much time to plan and knit for myself.  In the last 2 years I have finished countless projects for the store, for gifts, for classes, and so on.  And I feel quite satisfied with that part of my knitting life.  Yes, in fact, things have been rolling along nicely.

The searching in my closet, however, was precipitated by a deep, down gnawing feeling that my knitting work has really become, well, WORK.  And I am in it up to my eyeballs. 

Knowing myself like I do, that's a dangerous place to be because when my passion, my creative outlet, doesn't feel passionate and creative, well, it isn't gonna be pretty, that much I can tell you.   It's something that I worried some about when I first made the career change.  I remember Phil asking me on more than one occasion whether I was getting tired of it or if it was feeling like work.

And always I would answer, no, absolutely not.  I love knitting for a living.

No really, I do...but, life has a way of changing directions on you before you even realize it.

Not all at once, but slowly, I have been able to feel the shift in my thinking and in every stitch I take.  I ignored the feeling for some time, but then owned up to the reality of the situation.  It happened. The needles became heavy.  The patterns all seemed to be the same.  The colors felt dull.  The yarn was lifeless.  My knitting world started turning very gray.

I was heading for knitting purgatory!  You know the place I speak of?

For some beginning knitters it may mean knitting too many scarves or dishcloths; for others it could be that you are forcing yourself to use up yarn in your stash that is full of colors you can't even imagine why you bought, or a fiber that doesn't feel good in your hands.  And still other knitters may be stuck in knitting purgatory thinking they have simply lost interest when what they really need is a challenge, an inspiration to spark the flame.

Think I am being a bit melodramatic?  Well, maybe. :) The process and condition I describe is fairly accurate though.

The trick is not to panic and don't dwell on the negatives of the situation.  Just figure out what needs to be done and do it.

So..........

What do I need?

Inspiration?  New ideas?  Time?  A vacation?  A quiet space to figure it all out?

How do I breathe new life into my hands and my needles from time to time?  How do I prevent burnout?  How do I find time for my own designs?  How do I find time to further my education and skills?  When do I get to work on projects that challenge me and in turn inspire me to want to keep teaching and pass the knowledge along?

One of my all time favorite quotes about creativity comes from Jack London:  "You can't wait for inspiration.  You have to go after it with a club!"

And that's just what I have decided to do.

A couple of weeks ago, Phil watched me carry out of my studio at home a stack of books and magazines that I could hardly carry up the stairs.  I wanted to spread them out on the sectional in the living room and see what might happen.

I believe he said something like: "Wow...planning on doing some serious knitting, are you?"  Yes indeed, honey.  Some serious knitting.  (Like I'm not ALWAYS seriously knitting!)..but anyway...

I needed to take immediate action and this was the fastest way to do it.   

I spent the rest of the evening pouring over every pattern I had marked in every magazine and book I had bought in the last 4 or 5 years, determined to find the perfect sweater project to make for myself.

I read articles on yarn and color and new techniques.  I delighted in getting reacquainted with the simple pleasure of sitting down with a warm cup of tea (or a very cold beer ;) to sip on and a knitting magazine.

And the goal was simple.  Relax.  Enjoy the process.  Find something to knit, just for me.

I actually came away with TWO sweaters that I was very excited about.   I was not surprised, nor was my husband at the number--TWO .

I am a woman of excess, for sure.  If some is good, more is better.  If one is satisfying, two will be exhiliarating!  (This is my subconscious mind at work.  I have become very familiar with my subconscious.  We don't always agree, but we have come to an understanding:  I don't get in her way, I listen to her, and all works out fine in the end.)

Here's the first one I chose:

My knitting 'funk' seemed to be subsiding already.  I was remembering why I loved to knit in the first place.

Finding just the right project(s) that I was anxious to try....first step done.

Next step in the creative process...Selecting the color(s) and type of  yarn...Swatching and figuring out my gauge...What needles do I use?  Bamboo?  Metal? 


For the Arching Cables Jacket I went with my Addi Turbo Lace tips and this rich, pumpkin color in Brown Sheep Nature Spun N17 called French Clay.

What interested me most about this sweater was the construction of it.  The belt is knit first and then you are to pick up stitches from the top of the belt and knit the top of the sweater and then again pick up from the bottom of the belt to finish the bottom of the sweater. 

The second pattern I chose was this lovely little number:

It calls for 4 strands of lace weight in the bottom, sleeves, and collar, and two strands for the lace panel across the back.  I was especially drawn to the shaping of the garment with it's tucks in the back, the half length bell sleeves, and the crocheted edging to finish it off.

I went with Wildfoote Luxury Sock Yarn, fingering weight, (which is like a double strand of lace weight), just to cut down on the number of strands and possibility of tangling.  The cones are wonderful to work off of as they tension so nicely.  And a deep, shiny, blue called Navy Royale was my color choice paired with Crystal Palace bamboo needles.

This is the beginning of the bottom panel done in twisted rib.  I think it's going to be luscious to knit and to wear.

Now how did this pic of Cotton Fleece get in this post?

Oh yeah...did I mention I found a 3rd sweater that I just HAD to cast on for?  Yep, it's true.  (Told you I was a woman of excess)

I was rummaging around in our trunk shows downstairs at work and found the Chris Bylsma box.  She does a lot with cables and drop stitches in her designs and this one is very dramatic when you see it all knit up.

I tried the sample sweater on and it fit me like a glove.  The large, flowing cables are fabulous in this one.  I promise, it is unusual and interesting in it's design.

What else was I going to do but immediately run back up to the store and find the color I wanted?

I believe I will keep this one to myself though, except for a few sneak peaks every now and then, just for fun.

Maybe a little 'fashion show' will be in order when I get them all knit up.  I am not fond of publishing pictures of myself (in fact, let's be clear, I do not like my picture being taken, period.)  However, since I am working on new challenges just for me, that might be one I will tackle.

Guess I got my knitting mojo back for the moment.  What do you think?  Too much?  Are they doomed to become UFO's in my closet?

Not a chance!  I've got a knitting fire in my belly and I am going after that inspiration with a club!

How about you join me?

Until next time...

Knit on,

Donna

Where's the other stick?

 It all started with this....

beautiful, handpainted, 100% merino wool yarn in vibrant, rainbow colors...

 and a hook...

...along with the desire to learn more about crocheting.

I learned a few basic stitches years ago from my mother-in-law, Karen, who is an accomplished crocheter.  It was tricky business, however, because unlike knitting with two needles, you only have one hook, and you have to PICK a hand to hold it in.  I am a lefty, you see, and Karen is right-handed.  Being a lefty in a right-handed world my whole life, I have learned to adapt and overcome.  And I did, to some degree, get it figured out, using my left hand, but soon became frustrated and went back to my knitting.

It wasn't just about holding the hook and yarn.  There was also the challenge of learning to read crochet patterns, which was a whole new language to me.  My mind would go hazy trying to comprehend instructions like:  Ch 1, hdc across, do not turn, cont around edge of base as foll:  work 23 hdc evenly spaced across row ends, hdc in 44 unused lps of foundation ch, work 23 hdc across next 32 sts, sl st in beg ch-1 to join, turn.  It was SO different than knitting.  I might as well have been reading Arabic, or Greek, or well, you get the picture.

And just like learning a new language, you first have to understand the words, and then you have to be able to speak them or use them in real life, or in this case, actually do what it says, CORRECTLY.

I know what hdc stands for..half double crochet...I even know how to do one...but somebody please tell me, where are the 44 unused lps of foundation ch?  Where are the next 32 sts?  And then you want me sl st in beg ch-1 to join?!?  There seems to be no beginning and no end.  Counting chains and 'seeing' where to put the hook for the next stitch was such a challenge. I never ended up with the correct number of sts and even a flat piece that was supposed to be square at the edges turned round, right before my eyes. 

Knitting, whether flat or in the round, you can see exactly how many stitches are on the needles and you know where your next stitch is (most of the time anyway).  But this crochet business was more than my brain wanted to take in at the time any way. 

So like I said, I put it away for many years, only bringing out my hook(s) as it pertained to my knitting:  to pick up dropped stitches, slip stitch two pieces of knitting together, bind off many, many stitches on blankets (that's a neat trick, let me tell you, and so fast), and putting the occasional crocheted edging on a piece of my knitting.  I tell new knitters all the time that the most valuable knitting tool I own is a crochet hook, and I mean it.  I would be lost without it. 

So when someone asks me if I crochet, my stock answer is, yes, I can crochet, but I am NOT a crocheter.  There is a big distinction to be made here.

If a customer comes to the Brown Sheep store with a question or problem regarding crochet, I honestly cannot help them.  The best I can do is send them across the hall into the office.  The ladies in there both crochet and are able to understand a pattern quite well.  I do feel bad when I have to do that though, because they are very busy answering phones, taking orders and such.  They are always willing to help and do so with a smile on their face, I might add, but three years of this and I think I finally decided I needed to step up, get over my resistance and learn to crochet...really learn this time. 

A few questions, a few lessons, and patient encouragement from my co-workers, I got started, again.

This time I put the hook in my right hand from the start.  I held and tensioned the yarn with my left hand.  (So glad I can continental knit as well as throw!  That helped a lot.  When I learned from my mother-in-law years ago I didn't know how to continental knit.  Seems it has made all the difference for me this go around.)

I chose a simple shell stitch scarf pattern that we have in the store (along with several beautiful samples I have been coveting for months now) Our previous crochet instructor, Brandy Earl, used this same pattern in her beginning classes.

So anyway, I was off and crocheting.

Seeing those colors taking shape was enough to keep me going! 

But it was also the rhythm and flow I found almost immediately.  What a different feel than knitting.  How delightfully surprising that I was enjoying it this much, even if I did look down at my knitting work in the basket next to my feet and feel a pang of guilt, like a cheating spouse in a way.  I really related to Stephanie Pearl-McPhee's self-imposed label of Yarn Harlot.  (She can't stay loyal to any one knitting project lol)  In my case it was like having an affair with crocheting and my knitting was very jealous. 

Evidently my husband was paying close attention and was even 'bothered' somewhat by my new found love.  
He asked at one point, "Are you giving up knitting?" 

The way he asked I almost felt like he was asking if I was giving him up. lol:)  He doesn't like change much and I guess after seeing me with knitting needles in my hands for 26 years, he just didn't quite understand what in the world I was doing.  lol:) 

The look in his eyes seemed to ask:  Was I changing careers...again?!?  Was I going to be a crocheter instead of a knitter?  Why in the world was I doing this?...I think it threw him off in no small way.   I just smiled and kept on crocheting, all the time reassuring him that no, I wasn't 'giving up' knitting.  It was time for me to expand my skills, that's all.

I have to be totally honest here though.  There was a little voice in my head that kept asking what if I liked crocheting better than knitting?!?  Oh my...;)   

In any case, I was eager to share the fun I was having with our Knit Night group because surely they could appreciate my enthusiasm.  I brought my crocheting along to our last get together.  My friend Virginia, who crochets, but doesn't knit, watched me for a short while and when I noticed she was keeping an eye on my work I asked her what she was thinking and she said:  "You crochet like a knitter."

I laughed and pondered that for a sec then asked, "What do you mean by that?"

She said "You hold the hook like a knitting needle!"

I really didn't get it and honestly I was too engrossed in what I was doing at the moment to give it too much thought.  I kept happily crocheting away, feeling only slightly self-conscious somewhere inside of me that maybe I was doing it all wrong and she just didn't want to hurt my feelings. :)

Later on I was showing off my new crochet skills to my mother-in-law and asked her what Virginia meant.  She smiled and said this is how most crocheters hold their hook and she put it in her hand like she was going to write with it.

Oh!  I see now!  In knitting, holding the needles that way is called the Victorian hold or the pencil hold.  The light bulb went on.  I guess because I hold my knitting needles like a fork or spoon, that's how I was holding my crochet hook as well. 

No matter, the point being it was cute and I realized I loved being told that I crochet like a knitter.  Well of course I do.

Anyway....less than a week later...
(unheard of, by the way, when KNITTING a scarf...it really is fast even for a beginner!)

...voila!

A pretty little scalloped-edged scarf.

That can be worn like this...

or maybe...

...like this.

It's 92" long!

That's the way I like my scarves...long...so that I can wrap and wrap around my neck and still have plenty of length down the front of my legs.

My excitement at my accomplishment wasn't squashed even when I brought it to work to show the girls in the office and Tracy said, "It's lovely, but you did it wrong."

"Wrong?", I said.  Well, it sure looked like a scarf to me! ;) 

Yep, it seems that the pretty little scalloped edge wasn't really supposed to be there.

Evidently I forgot to double crochet at the end of every row before chaining and turning, which made my turning chains at each end bend...hence the accidental scalloped edge.

Very pretty though (don't you think?) .

I made the same mistake for 92" and didn't have a clue! 

I'm a beginner.  It's a good excuse.

 Well, I thought, I better try again.  I chose a beautiful brown monochromatic yarn (Lamb's Pride Worsted M-260 Cafe Au Lait) and made it for myself...and this time I did it 'right'.  The edges were straighter this time. 

The brightly colored scarf, by the way, I gave to my daughter for Christmas.  She said she loved it.  Those colors are so 'her'.  She said it looked tie-dyed.  Cool.

Here's mine...

I have always thought of myself as a knitter, period. And then somewhere along the way I adopted the title fiber artist, simply because it represents the other fiber arts I incorporate into my knitting.   Also, because I teach classes, I am always looking to improve my knitting skills and that's what I spend the majority of my time working on.

Every year, January brings renewed optimism for change, for a better life, for a better you. And that’s a wonderful thing.  It’s wonderful, because this fresh start gives us a chance to reinvent our lives and ourselves. It allows us to reinvigorate ourselves, to shed the baggage of the previous year and do anything.

I want to make the most of this gift. And sometimes that means reinventing the way I live. 


While I am definitely not ready to teach crochet just yet, I am excited for the coming year.  (I have hired a new instructor, Esther Warren to take over Brandy's classes...see the Class Schedule Page for details.)

I love new beginnings and this feels like a true beginning of something for me. It isn't so much about the crocheting as what it represents.  You can fill in that blank with anything new and interesting that you'd like to learn. 

It's about the fact that I haven't stretched outside of 'my zone' for some time now.  I have been so busy concentrating on  the BUSINESS aspect of this business I have chosen, that I simply have not taken the time, nor the opportunity, to CREATE and learn and explore.  So I am off to do just that. 

Now if I only my husband would stop asking me: "Where's the other stick?"

Happy New Year to All!

Knit (or Crochet) On,

Donna

The 3 M's

Let me start off by stating this blog post is six weeks in the making.  I apologize for my absence.  And I don't want to make excuses here, but...

#1.  I lost my camera.  Granted, it was a camera that I absolutely despised because it took horrible pictures, but it was my only camera and I used it for all of my blog pictures.  (It also, of course, contained a memory card with weeks worth of pics that were to eventually end up in my future blog posts).

#2.  I moved on, didn't dwell, and borrowed by daughter's 'old' camera, only to discover it had 'died'...the battery didn't hold a charge, it wouldn't format a memory card...no pictures were in my near future, obviously.

#3.  I spent just a few hours designing a felted bag project for a 4-H class I taught, then realized I should have spent a few more hours on it because the bag came out looking like it would only hold a pair of chopsticks.  Yes, that long and that wide.  How long have I been knitting?  Had to go back to the drawing board on that one.

#4.  I knit 2 left fingerless gloves instead of a left and right.  No need for further explanation here I don't think.

#5.  I knit and then felted two different size clogs, one small, one medium, that were meant to be a gift.  Again, I'm sure you see the problem here, unless of course the recipient of the slippers has two different sized feet.  In this case the answer is no, she does not.

#6.  I caught a cold.  A miserable, achy, coughing, stuffy head, fever so you can't rest (or even knit and definitely do not feel inspired to blog) cold.

#7.  I thought I was saving time by knitting two sleeves of a miniature sweater at the same time, on the same needles, for aran afghan block #7.  It would have been fine, except the sleeves were supposed to be mirror images of each other and although I was sure I was reversing the pattern, they came out exactly the same.  I didn't discover it until I went to sew them to the body of the sweater.  (Okay, how in the world did I miss that one completely?!?) 

#8.  I have been trying to design a very simple, quick easy project for a mystery knit along.  I have spent the last 8 weeks, in all of my spare time :), ripping it out, erasing, rewriting, reworking, and generally being completely baffled that something so BASIC could haunt me for that long.  My stitch count didn't come out, period.  The design looked more like abstract art than knitting.  And, to make matters worse, I had already announced, on more than one occasion, that the mystery knit along would be posted soon. Yeah, right. 

#9.  I lost my 'little yellow bag'.  Do you know the one I speak of?  It's the pencil bag that holds all things necessary to my knitting life...scissors, tapestry needles, tape measures, crochet hooks, 20 different sizes of stitch markers, pencils, eraser, sticky notes, highlighters, a nail file (yes, not a typo)...and so many other things.  Mind you I only 'lost' it for a short while, but I did spend a large amount of time looking for it.  This seriously tweaked my already frazzled knitting nerves.  (Just a side note to put things in perspective here, I have often said that I'd rather lose my purse than my little yellow bag.  No joke.  It has taken me years to accumulate and pay for all the tools, gidgets and gadgets that are in that bag.  My knitting world stops until that bag is by my side. 

#10.  ...a nice round number on which to end this whine session, don't you think?  But I want to  add that while all of these things were happening, I must have ripped out and started over countless times on a half dozen other projects not mentioned in the above nine, further contributing to the feeling that I may not be up to the task of knitting for a living. 

So consequently, no blog post for six weeks.  

I honestly didn't have anything I felt was worthy of writing down.  How could I write about knitting and how wonderful it was and post all of the beautiful things I was supposed to be working on, when all I had to share were negative things...nothing but mishaps, misfortunes, and mistakes?

And if I dug a little deeper,  I was strongly suspicious that I had been hit with a good old fashioned case of writer's block and all of these things were of my own making so that I wouldn't have to sit down and write.  Yes, in fact, I believe I had a serious case of low knitting self-esteem.  Anyone else been there?

Where did this all come from?

This is what I concluded:

Sometimes I have to be taken down a peg or two..in life...and in knitting.  I don't believe it is because I walk around with a feeling of arrogance about myself, my life, or my knitting skills.  No.  But, evidently I do take these things for granted on occasion and life has a way of reminding me that I shouldn't do that.

I take 100% responsibility though.  No victim stance here.  I have intentionally invited the 3 M's upon myself.  How did I do that?  Well, by living with the philosophy that I am a lifelong student (I just said those very words to someone this morning).  And I have said that over and over to the universe.  The universe generously obliges, doesn't it?  Sometimes the things I have to learn come with heartache and pain, but most often with humor and humility.  That's what I strive for anyway. 

Life lessons and knitting lessons are a part of the deal.

I accept this fact without hesitation. I am not scared.  No.  I welcome the lessons.  At least that is what I keep saying anyway.

The hard part is that I never know when it's going to happen or what the lessons are going to be. Or let's get real...how long they are going to last!  These knitting negatives just kept going on and on until I felt like maybe this was it...I had lost my knitting mojo for good.  Spent, burnt out, done for....

So, what did I learn about myself and my knitting in the last six weeks?

Lesson #1:  The camera thing is a no brainer...lack of  gratitude and lack of perspective.  You see, I didn't appreciate having a camera that took terrible pictures was better than not having a camera at all.  No pics, pictureless blog posts...much worse. 

Lesson # 2:  You can't borrow your way out of a problem.  That would be too easy.  Also, just when you think you're frustrated enough, think again.  That was only the beginning. 

Lesson #3:   Give yourself more than a couple of days to design anything, even if it is just a 'simple, felted bag'.  And more importantly, do not use the word simple as freely as I do.  Simple is as simple does.  Yeah, whatever that means, but it came to mind and so I threw it in there.

Lesson #4:  Do not put a project away for months and then expect to finish it without some negative consequences.  In this case, make a big note for yourself that in fact people do have a left hand and a right hand and the thumb placement is actually pretty important.  Also, no matter how you twist and turn a left mitten, it will NOT work on a right hand.  Okay, hopefully I won't have to revisit that one any time soon.

Lesson #5:  See Lesson #4 with this addendum--if you are going to knit someone a gift, such as felted slippers, and it needs to be a certain size, do not highlight ALL of the sizes in the pattern (in different colors) so that you can't tell what size you knit the first one, forcing you to guess on the second one.  To set this lesson in your brain, repeat over and over to yourself, I am not a good guesser...I am not a good guesser.  Yeah, I guessed medium.  Turns out the first one I knit was a small.  Oh, and one other little something worth mentioning, try to finish your gift knitting in the same year that you started.  These clogs were for last Christmas.

Lesson # 6:  The lesson is:  there is not lesson because this just falls in the misfortune category of the 3 M's more than anything.  Everyone around me seems to have been sick for the last month or so.  It was bound to happen.  However, if there is a lesson to be learned, I am thinking it might be to not get smug and make statements about the fact that you haven't caught anything so far.  And knocking on wood, I now have proof, does not work at all.

Lesson # 7:    Cable chart reading isn't for wimps (or for those that are on the edge of a knitting breakdown).  I even had a nice little 'cheat sheet' that one of the students in the GAAA class, Dee Dixon, printed up so that we wouldn't get confused about the fact that the sleeves are knit in a reverse stitch pattern.  Again, chart reading, even with a cheat sheet, isn't for wimps, and certainly should not be attempted late at night, in a group, while talking on the phone, watching Sons of Anarchy, or anything that may distract you from the fact that you are doing it all wrong.

Lesson #8:  Another no brainer...DO NOT announce that you are going to do a mystery knit along when you don't have the design for the mystery knit along figured out.  That was my first mistake.  My second was assuming that this particular project was so simple (there's that word again) that I could whip it out in no time.  Hmmm...seems to be a theme going on here.  (see Lesson #3)  Making assumptions about anything has never really worked out for me.  Why do I keep doing it?

Lesson #9:  When you have a cold and are frazzled from so many of the 3 M's and the knitting gods are just beating you down, don't put your little yellow bag in a different place than you normally would.  You think you'll remember right where it is.  You won't.  You will panic.  You absolutely won't find the d@*# thing until you sit down, take a breath, and admit that you are beaten.  Then, and only then does the light bulb go on.

And finally...

Lesson #10:  I could mention the obvious here like not taking on too many projects all at once (of course everyone knows that, but who actually follows that?)...There is also a very real sickness (not fatal mind you, but very detrimental to a healthy knitting life:  UFO Disease (Unfinished Objects Disease).  It is REAL and I have it (bet you didn't know that) and it can create confusion and a mountain of knitting problems you didn't think were possible!

...or how about this:  planning and teaching, designing, blogging, running a store, organizing a fiber arts fair, and custom knitting may be a bit more than I bargained for when I said I wanted to live my passion.

I am not complaining, I promise.  It's just a point of awareness that I think, after this very bad period of time with the 3 M's, I am coming to accept.

This blog was started so that I could share my journey towards being completely self-supported by my knitting in one way or another.  Well, looks like this is all part of that journey.  I am figuring out (sometimes the hard way) exactly what I want that life to look like.  There have been many struggles so far, but also so many joys.

I hope you have found some humor in all of this...thankfully I have.  :)  I dedicate the 3 M's blog post to my fellow knitters out there and  to my students who come in, call, and text me on a daily basis ready to give up and throw their knitting in the trash (or at least in the bottom of the closet for the next 20 years or so).

May I offer a bit of advice?  Just put it down, step away, breathe, call me if necessary, and keep things in perspective.  I know I am always espousing the merits of knitting such as it being relaxing, meditative, therapeutic, and fun.  (It is, no really!)  However, just as in life, we wouldn't learn very much about ourselves if we didn't have to go back, rip out, learn from our mistakes, and start again.

Knit on,

Donna

[ pash'en]

I have a 'word sign' hanging on my bathroom wall...you know one of those signs with an inspirational word that maybe you want to remind yourself of from time to time.  Like 'BELIEVE' or 'DREAM' or 'COURAGE'.  I know, cliche, but who couldn't use a little positive reinforcement, even if it is cliche?

Mine sign reads like this:

PASSION
[pash'en]
There are many things that will capture your eye, but very few will capture your heart.

It is directly behind me when I am standing at my bathroom counter.  I see this word and this definition in the mirror when I am going through my morning ritual every day.

Of all the words to choose from, what made me notice this in the store, pick it up, buy it, bring it home, and hang it on my bathroom wall?

You think I'm getting a little too in depth in my thought process, don't you?  Why in the world do I even need to bring up this trivial little item and detail about me?

Well, I'll tell you why (you knew that was coming, didn't you?)

Here are a whole lot of reasons why...

 

These are high school students and their teachers from Gering and Scottsbluff.  Each year, in the fall, I am invited into the Family and Consumer Science classes and the Clothing and Textile classes to teach knitting, and between both school districts, we end up putting needles and yarn in approximately 75-80 teenage hands. (some years it has been closer to 100, depending on the class sizes)

It is hard work, no doubt,  but absolutely one of the things I most look forward to every September.

The students often will also take a field trip out to Brown Sheep Co. for a tour.  I take them through the mill.  They get to see the actual process of natural fibers being spun, dyed, and packaged into yarn that they use in their projects.   This is great opportunity  for them not only to see the yarn being made, but to see something being MADE period.  The tour takes the mystery out of it and shows them that yes, someone actually makes this product with their hands, from start to finish.
 
Craftsmanship.  Taking pride in their work.  A product being made right here in Western Nebraska.  What an opportunity for them.  What an opportunity for me.

So, this is my passion.  Teaching others.

(And all along you thought it was knitting, right?)  :)

Did I ever have an inkling that I would teach knitting and fiber art?  Not at all.  No really.

So how DID I get so 'lucky' as to have arrived at this place in my life, this place and time and experience that allows me to do something that I am passionate about?

Actually I am not a big believer in 'luck'.

For example, frequently people will say how lucky I am to have been married to the same wonderful man for so many years.  I do appreciate the comment, but honestly, luck has nothing to do with it.  It's called work, hard work.  And when I work hard at something, that usually means I am passionate about it in some way or another.

Passion is the key ingredient in anything thing that I have done and done well in my life.

Think about it...when you put your entire being into something, whether it's just for a moment or over the course of a lifetime, things in the universe just seem aligned, don't they?  It flows.  It works.

Living passionately comes with a price though.  A big price...and here it is:  Once you tap into what you feel most strongly about and incorporate that into your daily life, you'll never be satisfied again living without passion.  Yep.  That's the deal and if you don't believe me, just think about it for a second.  It will come to you.

Most dissatisfaction and discontent in my life can be easily traced to not being in alignment with my passion.  And I am not talking about living a life of some idealistic, Norman Rockwell painting.  Not at all.  Living with passion means a lot of things, including heart ache, pain, lessons you'd rather not learn, highs and lows and a lot of WORK.

So that is why I do not buy the notion that I am just lucky to be in the place I am in my life, personally or professionally.  Nope.

I have been moving towards this moment in my marriage my entire life.

The skills to work in this business were unknowingly developed as I went along.

Being passionate in your life requires a huge belief that whatever it is, it's worth trying or doing, even if you don't know where it's taking you or where you will end up.  It's almost always a risk and there are no guarantees as to how it will turn out.  That's not the point of living passionately.  For me anyway, it truly isn't about the outcome.  It's about the 'alignment'--remember--my insides matching my outsides.  There aren't always obvious rewards.  It is what it is.  

I have found that it is better to run towards something than from something. You cannot let fear be your driving force; you truly need to have passion pulling you out of bed each day.

Do you see the smile and concentration on the those bright, beautiful faces in the pictures?  That fuels me.  That gets me out into the world every day.  It's worth doing...this business of teaching...and passing on the art of making something with your hands.

When you do something with everything you've got, well there's nothing else like it in this world. 

So I think that answers my question about how [pash'en] ended up on my bathroom wall.  I guess it's a little more than a cliche to me.

It is me.

Knit on,

Donna